Mike King is one of New Zealand's most recognised mental health advocates and the founder of the I Am Hope Foundation and Gumboot Friday. A former top NZ comedian turned campaigner, he has had well-publicised bouts of depression and is a self-confessed former alcoholic and drug addict.
Known for his work as a prominent mental health educator, he’s spent years on the road talking to schools, workplaces and communities, including forestry startups, about mental wellbeing, suicide prevention and the power of conversation.
In previous presentations, Mike has spoken about how mental illness stems from an over-active inner critic. How parents talk to their children, and how managers talk to their staff can affect a person's inner critic. It is key to show that you value their thoughts and opinions.
Mike has said that he turned to drugs and alcohol to avoid or suppress his problems. He called it the "relentless pursuit of temporary happiness". He used the analogy that everyone's head is a boiling pot, and we suppress our problems by putting a "lid" on top - that lid may be drugs, alcohol, porn, over-working, over-exercising. But basically, it is a temporary measure to avoid our problems.
The practical advice that Mike has given is to let our kids and peers know that we aren't perfect. To share your mistakes and make yourself fallible; perfect people never grow.
Otherwise, we risk that people will not want to share with us. We should actively encourage mistakes in our kids, to let them learn from them and build up their ability to solve problems.
HOW TO OFFER SUPPORT TO A MAN WITH DEPRESSION
Supporting a man with depression requires understanding, patience, affection, and encouragement.
Engage him in conversation and listen carefully. Do not disparage the feelings he expresses, but do point out realities and offer hope.
Do not ignore remarks about suicide. If you are worried about a friend don’t hesitate to call Lifeline and ask for help on 0800 543 354
Invite him for walks, outings, to the movies, and other activities. Be gently insistent if your invitation is refused.
Encourage participation in activities that once gave pleasure, such as hobbies, sports, or cultural activities, but do not push him to undertake too much too soon. He needs diversion and company, but too many demands can increase his feelings of failure
Do not accuse him of faking his feelings, or expect him to “snap out of it”. Instead, keep reassuring him that, with time and help, he will feel bet ter. • You may need to monitor whether he is taking prescribed medication or attending therapy sessions. Encourage him to follow orders about the use of alcohol if he is prescribed antidepressants.
Remember, you can’t “fix” someone else’s depression. You’re not to blame for your loved one’s depression or responsible for his happiness. Ultimately, recovery is in his hands.
NATIONAL HELPLINES
Lifeline – 0800 543 354
Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO)
Healthline – 0800 611 116
Samaritans – 0800 7 26 666 (for callers from the Lower North Island, Christchurch and West Coast) or 0800 211 211 or (04) 47 3 9739 for callers from all other regions
Adapted from National Institute of Mental Health Credit: www.helpguide.org
